Monday, December 29, 2008

Condy, the three musketeers and what happened to the chick with the red top

Condi-pherry, Tindia.

Condy as its popularly known, was quite a unique destination. In a country where several people were obsessed with 'going abroad', it provided a cheaper and far easier alternative to experiencing a 'foreign' country life. The Trench had set foot in this place a few hundred years ago, and despite losing their colony to Tindia eventually, they had managed to leave a rich flavour of their culture behind. Not only that, several Trench people stayed on and were a 5000-strong community. The buildings and architecture in one part of the city was distinctly Trench. So much so that anyone visiting that area would definitely think he was in Trance rather than Tindia.

Condy was also known for its cheap liquor. It was, being a Union Territory, free from state taxes. Combined with its location by the sea, it made a strong case for a drunked weekend - Legend had it that after having a few glasses of Trench wine in Condy, people would be transported to the magical Trench Triviera, thousands of miles away. Of course, verification of this legend had to be done personally to satisfy ones curiosity.

Pseud Sing had been waiting for this trip for a loong time. His company (Fight Drank), was sending him to Condy to do a land valuation! It was going to be his first job-trip and he was pretty excited. But staying true to his 'I don't give a shit, life sucks' image, Pseud hid his excitement from his friends by playing it down as a purely business trip where he would be bored to death.

When Chromesh, Pseud's good friend from B-school got to know that Pseud will be in Condy, he immediately formulated a plan to meet-up and spend the long Christmas-weekend with him in Condy. Chromesh worked for an IT company in Dennai, which was just 3 hrs from Condy. Ever the sport for any travel activity, and a Condy-lover himself, the trip was an obviosity for Chromesh. He also called up his new-found partner-in-crime, Gopey and asked him to join them in Condy.

Gopey was from the same batch in B-school. He worked for an FMCG firm in Ghirupati, just 6 hours away from Condy. He'd already done Condy with Chromesh once, and loved the place. He'd recently been bitten by the travel bug and used to pack himself off to some place or the other on weekends. This, some felt, was more out of a desire to get out of a boring life in Ghirupati than to really travel and explore places. That, of course, was far from the reality. He was actually trying to run away from the hot women that used to surround him when he's in Ghirupati. The weekend was the only time he could squirm out with an excuse of meeting old friends. Much like Chromesh, who too was stuck with incredibly hot women in what is often called the 'Land where its easier to get a hot chick than to get a glass of water', Dennai.

Finally, the much awaited weekend arrived. Pseud Sing was the first to reach, before the weekend itself actually, for his work. Chromesh drove in from Dennai on his Bullet and joined Pseud on Thursday. Gopey meanwhile was busy pretending to be hard at work and decided to join them only on Friday evening.

The Thursday began for Chromesh & Pseud with a drinking binge of epic proportions. They had had so much beer in just a few hours that they had reached the magical Trench Triviera, which as we all know happens only after a few glasses of authentic Trench wine. Pseud couldn't have asked for a better start to the end of his first job-trip. Pseud was so proud for being among the first students from his B-school batch to go 'on-site' in another country - and this was not just any country, this was Trance! As they were riding around in the magical Trench Triviera, Chromesh realized that someone had sabotaged the back typre of his Bullet and it was punctured. He decided to pick a fight with one of the local goons and Pseud of course joined in. Luckily, Chromesh wasn't so angry and decided to let the criminal go with just a few strong words. Chromesh was well known for his extreme patience and it served to save this criminal from sure death... for Chromesh was strong, very strong. His new, and ongoing tryst, with a gym in Dennai had made him the only Super-Man on Dearth.

The trip to the magical Trench Triviera on Thursday was so fulfilling and intoxicating that Pseud and Chromesh didn't wake up on Friday morning. It was well into the afternoon when they awoke to Condy. Just about when Pseud was waking up, Gopey telephoned. He was acting pricey, saying that he won't be making the trip coz he was tired and that the travel would make him even tireder. (Of course, the real reason was that he'd fixed up a weekend date with one of the many hot women in Ghirupati, and he was strangely looking forward to it - possibly because she'd said 'This weekend or never'). Chromesh grabbed the phone from Pseud as soon as he heard rumblings of Gopey not coming. He fired Gopey left, right and center, telling him how the hell he could leave his friends and go off with some hot chick. Gopey had major introspection to do at this juncture and decided that friends were indeed more important. He chided himself for changing his mind so easily with the hollow promise of a 'now or never weekend-date'. He immediately picked up his weekend back-pack and left for Condy.

Gopey's ride to Condy was rather uneventful, apart from his bus running into a blacker-than-soot buffalo in the din of night. He finally reached Condy and greeted Pseud with his trademark "Pseuuuuuuuuud, wassup??" After the exchange of regular pleasantries, they decided it was too late in the night to make a trip to the magical Trench Triviera and just went to bed after a couple of beers.

The place they had for them was owned by a sweet Trench lady, Pascala. It was a room on the terrace of her house. Pseud was proud of himself for being able to use his legendary GLCSA (Good Looks, Charm & Sex Appeal) to get possession of the room. The lady had a very cute 8-year old daughter, Victoire. They had moved to Condy 2 years back. Pascala was so enamoured by this place that she'd left her native Trance to settle down in this dream-land. She was happy to have guests at home and treated them with utmost love and affection.

The bed was now really calling out to the gang. So much so, that they fell asleep even before they hit it. Pseud and Gopey were fast asleep when Chromesh felt a sudden urge to go to the magical Trench Triviera. Quietly he started gulping down all the remaining bottles of beer and drifted off to the magical Trench Triviera.

Saturday was going to be THE day. Gopey woke up early as usual and started fiddling with his laptop as soon as he'd finished his regular morning-activities. Realizing there was not much the laptop had to offer, especially since none of Gopey's hot girlfriends were online, he decided to make breakfast for himself. He was an accomplished chef and the aroma of the mouth-watering dish he was preparing woke Pseud up from his slumber. Chromesh though was still troddling around in the magical Trench Triviera and it would be a while before he returned.

Pseud and Gopey enjoyed the fantastic breakfast and waited for Chromesh to return. After a few hours, when he finally came back, they collectively decided to step out for lunch. They headed for Le Dupleix which was supposed to be the best Trench restaurant in town. They ordered salad, and pasta, and wine... it was a truly Trench experience. Chromesh though ordered local parathas and paneer subji as he felt the Trench food wouldn't ruffle his taste-buds.

After the awesome lunch, which lasted over 2 hours, they walked back to their place. They were greeted by some good news from Ms. Pascala. There was going to be a Trench party at night at a new place being opened by a friend of hers. Gopey was the mildly excited by the news and immediately started imagining himself surrounded by heavily-clad, somewhat hot Trench women - a welcome change from the usual rut of scantily clad, super-hot women in Ghirupati. Pseud was his usual self and acted as though this would be just another party that would make his already sucky life even suckier by reaffirming his 'single' status. But he was secretly hoping, and confident, that he would get back to his glory days where women used to swoon even the sight of a stamp-size photo of his left ear.

Chromesh's original plan was to leave back for Dennai in the evening itself before dinner as he had a very important 'meeting' to attend the next day. But upon hearing news of this party, Chromesh was the first to head to the bathroom to get ready, primed for assault!

As the three strode confidently towards the party-place, they could see people around them being blinded by their sheer presence. They were THE kings and they were going to RULE the night.

As they reached the scene, they found they were one of the first ones to arrive. They decided to start with a round of drinks and were joined by the cheerful Pascala almost just at the moment they were going to say "Cheers". She started telling stories about her life and how she loved Condy and how the world would have been an imperfect place if there was no Condy, etc, etc. The trio were rapt in attention to the colouful and vivacious Pascala. They failed to notice the heavily-clad, somewhat hot women who were streaming in. Pascala then took their leave as she had work to attend to and left the trio to themselves for the night.

By this time, all of them were down a few drinks, Gopey more so than the others. Pseud tried to look un-interested in the glances that were being thrown across the terrace by the white-top & hazel-eyed Trench girl. Gopey on the other hand was conveniently assuming that she was looking at him rather than Pseud. Chromesh was quietly surveying the scene as Pseud and Gopey exchanged glances with each other and then with the white-top. Gopey, confidently stode forward with what seemed to the others like a strong plan in mind. But after a few steps he veered off-course toward the food counter where he'd caught sight of the delicious prawn-idlys. Pseud finally decided he'd had enough of the arbitrary eye-exchanges and stepped right into the crowd of Trenchies. With his awesome grace and poise, he blended in with them as though he'd always belonged. He then called over Chromesh and Gopey to join him as he surveyed the scene. When they finally joined him, they actually found him to be animatedly in conversation with a tall white guy named Tim. He was from Banada, living and working in Dyena and down for a 'spiritual' trip to Tindia. Gopey tried to make his way toward the blue-top but Pseud called out to him and asked him to join them. Gopey grudgingly joined them as he was of the opinion that he'd have a good chance with blue-top, ever since that white-top had mysteriously disappeared from the scene.

So Pseud, Chromesh, Gopey & Tim were at their little group in front of the bar. Tim was an interesting chap and kept conversation flowing with some real wise-cracks. He declared that he was interested in the red-top but also that it had just not been his day till then, so he was not going to risk a move. The trio egged Tim on so that he would go for it. It had come to the point where it seemed like the trio were crazed fans cheering for their lone-striker to score the winning goal.

The drinks, meanwhile, were flowing... fast. Gopey had reached the brink of the magical Trench Triviera. He hobbled into the lone bathroom just by the side only to be surprisingly encountered by the white-top and the blue-top coming out of it… together. As soon as he looked at them, they gave him that 'deer caught in the headlights' look. Gopey faked the most fake 'Why hello, nice to meet you' smile and entered as they left. He came back out just in time for his refill of beer and his ticket to the magical Trench Triviera.

The gentle and patient Chromesh had been surveying the scene for a while and had decided that Purple-top was going to be his catch. But he found himself cheering Tim on. Later, he selflessly thought to himself. "Lets do this for Tim first". Pseud was so deeply involved in the cheering that he'd forgotten about white-top altogether. Tim FINALLY got up and walked towards red-top. The trio watched with anticipation and bated breath... Was their striker going to score?

The conversation started. Tim looked smooth. All that coaching and brain-washing from Pseud and Gopey seemed to be working. They saw Tim getting his fancy cell-phone out to take down a number as red-top spelled it out.

Gopey said, "Pseuuud, I think we've lost Tim for the night. You think you want to say hello to white-top?"

"Naah, I think I'd prefer to go to the magical Trench Triviera", Pseud giggled as he said.

"Can't agree more" added Chromesh "Lets make this a guy's night out... no more women! We stay together!"

And then they met soon in the magical Trench Triviera. This is what they'd come to Condy for.


Next morning, Chromesh had to leave early for his 'meeting'. Pseud and Gopey woke up later and packed their bags to go back. They bought little Victoire a big box of chocolates and said goodbye to Ms. Pascala, who promised to invite them for more Trench parties whenever they’d happen in town.

So ended the trio's trip to Condy, and not to mention, the magical Trench Triviera...

Au revoir!!


PS - All characters in this story are fictional and any resemblance to any person(s), living or dead, is purely coincidental


  1. hahahaha...2 funny Dopes...I still remember the white top man...waiting for the next time I c her

  2. wat a gr88 piece of fiction gopey!!! :D

  3. The white top told Gopey that she's studying in Pondy only... Gopey just told this to Pseud Sing, and he's thinking of planning another trip soon ;-)

    Chromesh, meanwhile has secretly called up Ms. Pascala and is already headed to Condy again for another weekend... NO-ONE knows what his devious plans are..... :D

  4. @ Kullu : Plz thank Dopey.. Gopey is a fictional character :P

    Tx dude...

  5. hahaha !! really really nice Dopey.. cheers to the three musketeers ... Chromesh

  6. Hey Great Post Dopey... Loved your detailed description of the times in Condy
    P.S. got inspired too by the same