Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Books, short ones

A much needed break, time with family, time to ponder & time to write (a little; for this one, type on the cell-phone actually)...! Its about time I caught up on my average # posts/year.

Having my first go on the Shortest Books series... can't remember where I read them first (RD perhaps?). They always cracked me up good.

So here's a list of some of the Shortest Books you'll ever read...

  • Quick Speeches - Atal Bihari Vajpayee
  • Public Image Management - Suresh Kalmadi
  • Burnout Explained - Sachin Tendulkar
  • All Men Are Born Equal - Jose Mourinho
  • Complete Guide To Short Haircuts - Abdul Kalam
  • Staying Out Of Controversies That Make Headlines Only In India - Salman Rushdie
  • Behaving Responsibly - Lindsay Lohan
  • All Things Natural - Pamela Anderson
  • Indian Accent Made Easy - Katrina Kaif
  • Impossible - Rajnikanth
  • Conservatism - Hugh Hefner
  • Avoiding Wedgies While Playing Tennis - Rafael Nadal
  • How To Quit Smoking - Shah Rukh Khan
  • Choosing Your Brands - Amitabh Bachchan
  • Life Outside Father's Shadow - Abhishek Bachchan
  • Clean Tackling - Nigel De Jong
  • Sportsmanship - Didier Drogba
  • Managing World Cup Campaigns - Raymond Domenech
  • Writing Short-Stories - JK Rowling, Co-Authored By JRR Tolkien
  • Winning Tosses: Flip By Flip Guide - MS Dhoni
  • Early to bed & early to rise (Anonymous Spaniard)
  • Culinary delights without wine or cheese (Anonymous Frenchie)
  • A warm, bright, sunny, happy day (Anonymous Englishman)
  • Bland foods: The complete guide (Anonymous Indian)
  • How To Get Rid Of VVS - Ricky Ponting

Feel free to add...!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Facebook People

There comes a time in peoples lives when they ask themselves the question; "WHO AM I?!".

They're thinking and thinking... agonizing... and the answer just starts taking shape... They're close...

But then laziness takes over, and they end up wanting other people to tell them who they are. OR, they want others to start thinking about them as what they want themselves to be.

And, given that pretty much everyone is on facebook these days, it all begins with 'What do others (read 'friends on facebook') think of me?' OR 'Hmmm... Cunning plan... so if I do this, people will start thinking that I am like this... Cunning plan indeed.'

--


The Addict
  • Obsessive, compulsive facebooker. Feels the urge to update anything and everything.
  • Could be an absolute newbie who’s just wowed by facebook, or an old-timer with no social life, or too much of a social life and wanting to advertise it; or, someone who has an opinion on everything related or unrelated to all under the sun, and even over it (usually a bong :P )
  • Typical status update: “Saw a plane in the sky… awesome!!!”

The Reformist
  • Believes in facebook as the medium to air his/her voices on subjects of critical importance to humanity.
  • Actually covertly using facebooking as a medium to show the world what a super brain s/he is.
  • Typical status update: “The recent tree-felling in Costa Rica has serious implications on atmospheric temperature half-way round the world. With global warming now becoming a burning issue, I feel it is time to………” Aaaaaahhhhhh zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….

The Gamer

  • The sole reason for the Gamer’s existence is to devour all facebook games.
  • They have separate game facebook id’s which become their regular id’s coz they never use their regular ‘regular’ id’s!
  • They have 1000+ friends, NONE of whom they’ve ever met for real
  • Typical status update: “Just bought a Bazooka and walloped Skeleton-Man’s a** … on Mafia Wars”

The Video Dude(tte)
  • Spends half the day on Youtube, and the other half in sharing those videos on facebook! From bloopers, to old songs, to ‘OMG!!’ & ‘LOL!!’ videos, they’re all there in procession
  • They have a strong inclination to ‘like’ and comment on their own video posts
  • Typical status update: “Tooooooooooooo funny… Hahahaha!”


The Quote-er
  • Perpetually buried in reams of quotes, or so it seems!
  • Every other status message is a quote, from JFK, to Sallu in the latest flick. They could probably write a book of quotes, stolen of course!
  • Typical status update: “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country …!”


The Emotion-er

  • Always either majorly whining, or, completely over the moon happy, about something
  • These extreme emotions find their way on to their facebook pages and end up being commented upon by
  • Typical status update: “Feelin’ sad coz I’d asked my brother to get me a Snickers, but he got me Kit Kat instead :((( ”


The Birthday-Wisher
  • At any given point in time, 7 out of their last 10 updates would be writing on walls of people wishing them a happy birthday
  • For this, obviously you need to have at least a 1000 people on your friend list first. That makes it 3 birthdays a day on an average. Sometimes you’ll find them posting twice to the same person wishing them happy birthday!
  • Typical status update: xx --> yy “Heyy! Happy birthday! Long time.. How are you? Where are you these days?!”


The Like-er

  • Too lazy to comment; instead take the easy way out by ‘Like’-ing pretty much anything and everything that comes their way – photos, comments on photos, links, quotes, jokes, and random like pages like ‘I love my Mom’
  • Could make thousands of dollars a month if they take up an ad-clicking job instead which pays on number of clicks per day!
  • Typical status update: No status updates... but their profile will show that they have 746 likes


The PDA-er

  • Love birds who can’t get enough of each other off facebook, so, on facebook they fill each-others walls with links to songs, photos, vacation ideas, lovey-dovey wall-posts and general PDAs
  • May have entire conversations as comments within a span of 3 minutes
  • Typical status update: “Thinkin’ about you… and smiling! : )))) ”


The Shape-shifter

  • Characterized by a photo change every other day. From the corner of their left eye, to that cartoon pic they found so funny – anything could end up as the profile pic!
  • It’s that itchy feeling they get that (facebook) things aren’t happening, not enough updates, everything looks the same, et cetera, et cetera.
  • Typical status update: “xx changed their profile picture” … followed by a few comments on how great the new pic is.


The Tagger

  • They have 960 photos of them on facebook. And they continue getting themselves clicked and tagged. Even on photos where they’re not there!
  • They also go around tagging other people in photos that they may or may not be present
  • Typical status update: “yy just tagged themselves in the album ‘Awesommmeee Friday nite partyy!’”


The “I’m too busy for facebook”-er
  • Their reason for existence on facebook is rather questionable. They never have ANY activity on their accounts, no likes, no comments, they don’t even let other people write on their walls
  • The only thing you see on their walls is that they’ve accepted 23 friend requests in a go, and 11 a few weeks before that, etc etc.!
  • Typical status update: “xx is now friends with yy and 17 other people”


The Analyser

  • They’re the ones who think they’re too cool / busy to be seen on facebook too regularly. In actuality, they spend hours and hours poring over what others are upto.
  • Every once in a while they’ll have a comment here, and a like there, but the whole idea is to ‘look busy and yet somehow being able to find the time to make enough appearances on facebook’
  • Typical status update: “xx added a new note: ‘Facebook people’”

(Disclaimer: Of course all of this was strictly for reading pleasure! Don’t automatically stereotype yourself; or worse, start wanting to kill me for telling you who you are or want to be. That's a question that only you can answer :))

PS - Thanks to Harshita, & Sharma for their valuable inputs on this post :-D

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Hampi

There's enough and more good stuff that I had heard and read about Hampi. Several people, including my Dad (who had been there exactly 42 years ago!) had told me that it was without doubt, a MUST SEE. It had once been the capital of the great Vijaynagar Empire stretching across current day Karnataka, Kerala, Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh and even a part of Orissa!! Capital of a land mass and kingdom that big - now that really must have been grand.

On the flip-side, I wasn't too excited by the photographs I saw online. They didn't 'look' as grand as the description of the place. It was just brown all around and conveyed a middle of the desert feel to it!

So when I unexpectedly found myself in Hyderabad on a Thursday with a 3-day weekend approaching, Hampi suddenly was in contention! Being the first week of April, I was a little apprehensive that the heat will be too much. The summer had not yet reared its head in Hyderabad, but Hampi, being further south was bound to be warmer. Then, there was, the very attractive, option of going to Tadoba Tiger Reserve.

But in a fit of excitement after a call with my Dad (who reiterated that I go there), I booked myself on a very circuitous route to Hampi. Buses were full to every imaginable place from Hyderabad (being the long weekend).

I found a single ticket on a 10pm bus to Ananthapur. I had to get down at Gooty at 5am. Somehow, I woke up at the right time (just 3 mins before my alarm went off!) and got down from the bus on a rather stranded area about 100 meters from the APSRTC bus-stand. At the bus stand, there were signs of civilization though, and my next bus was to be to Guntakal. I waited for one of my DSEs (P&G salesman), to arrive and guide me, although it would have be quite alright even without him!

We took the short bus ride to Guntakal where there's a 7am or so train to Bellary. The train ride was a bittuva party with a bunch of college kids chattering away and generally making a nuisance of themselves. Oldies with short fuses were having their go at them, but to no avail of course!

A very dusty Bellary, and a short walk to the bus stand later, I found myself on a bus to Hospet. Hospet was to be my base for the visit, as I wasn't sure I could get a place to stay in Hampi. I later found out that there were decent places in Hampi as well, but staying in Hospet at Hotel Malligi was pretty comfy.
A bath and brunch, and I was off. The rick ride to Hampi was quite a surprise. The brown and dusty Hospet quickly gave way to an oasis full of green palm trees and thick folige! And before I knew it I was in Hampi!

As I entered the historic city, the rickshaw sped by gigantic ruins and led me right into the colourful market, which was not exactly bustling with activity. True enough, Friday was a local holiday, and hence most of the market was empty.

I looked up to see the imposing Main Tower of the Virupaksha temple standing before me. It was visible from a distance itself, and its something that can never come out true to its size and grandeur in a photograph!
I decided to take a walk round the temple. Like most temples in the South, it had some intricate art-work, with each slab telling a story of its own. One could spend months discovering Hampi, I was told, and this is why... each structure had a lot of thought behind it and the place was spread over some 30 sq. miles with tens of buildings!

The sun had started blazing down, and my plan was to get myself a motorbike to go around. For about 500 rupees for 2 days, I got myself a nice Honda CBZ (I think it was). After the longish walk round the temple, I made my way back to the market for the bike.

On my way into the city in the rick, I had picked a detailed map of the city and also spoken to a guide, who claimed to be a government appointed one, but his license had expired! I informed him that I was about to get a bike and then he could take me round the place. I was a bit skeptical if this guy knew anything, but in the end it turned out to be a great decision! This guy had been a guide for over 15 years and knew Russian, French, German, apart from English, Telugu, Hindi & Tamil! His fees, 400 rupees for the entire day was a steal!!! The idea for the day was to take the help of the guide and cover as much as possible, and then the next day, I'd come back and visit the ones that interested me the most.

I took the bike and headed to pick up my guide. On the way I could see quite a few totally exhausted, burnt red, foreign tourists - mostly Japanese, on foot or bicycles. It was only going to get hotter, I thought to myself... these folks were in for a tough day! I was quite comfortable of course on the bike with the breeze providing the cooling. There were quite a few rickshaws which were ferrying tourists around the city. This is probably the worst way to see the city as these guys are in a hurry, and also don't know anything about the history of the place. So you'd probably end up being shown fewer places and also not quite knowing what to see there.

The first stop was (not surprisingly), a Ganesh Temple. Standing on top of one of the many hills, it had a great view of the city and the Main Temple. Each pillar had different carvings, saying their own stories, about Rama, Krishna and n number of Gods! One could literally spend hours and even days here deciphering each story. The place gave me a strong positive vibe which I really liked, although the temple itself had stopped being a place of worship since the city was pillaged by invaders.

Then started a 3-hour flyby of almost all the monuments.. the Ugra Narasimha, the humongous sister stones, the Lotus mahal, Queen's bath, stunning Hazara-rama temple, the elephant stables, stone chariot, the ancient marketplace - it was almost dizzying!! At each monument, my guide would stop to give me a story and some weird, usually comical, fact! I would never know how much of it was 100% true, but I sure did love it!

The last stop for the day was Sunset Point. No prizes for guessing what one could see there. A bunch of tourists had gathered to watch the sunset and it was very very quiet and peaceful. The cool breeze flowing across the Tungabhadra with the cool heat of the brilliant setting sun helped form a surreal atmosphere. The golden monuments and hills simmering in the horizon will remain an unforgettable sight!

No trip to Hampi is complete without a visit to the Mango Tree... This restaurant, set on the banks of the Tungabhadra, has a nice relaxed feel to it, and serves some good food too..! I had a nice supper/dinner there, before a starry night drive back to Hospet. I actually turned off the headlight for a few seconds on that drive. A bit scary, but the night sky was just like a million diamonds sprinkled on a black velvet cloth!

Back at Hotel Malligi, I caught up on some football highlights from last weekend, and the preview show for the forthcoming weekend before absolutely crashing flat on the bed!

Next morning was going to be an early one. A short drive to the Tungabhadra Dam, breakfast and then back to Hampi, was the plan.
The dam is colossal. There's also a splendidly maintained deer park and garden right on the other side which reminded me of some gardens I'd seen in France & England. It was almost too perfect to be Indian!!

Then I went back to Hampi... Being a Saturday, the market was bustling with activity and tourists from all over. I had decided to go back to the Hazara Rama temple, Pushkarani & Mahanavami Dibba for a closer look. These places had really caught my eye the previous day and I just had to go back to get a better feel of them. It was easy for me to imagine how the expansive Hazara Rama temple would have been flooded with ornaments and jewels and thronged by devotees. The Mahanavami Dibba gave a super view of the city. Its difficult, standing atop this thing, not to feel like a king looking upon his kingdom. The Lotus Mahal was intriguing with its 'secular' architecture - the first that I have ever seen, with Islamic, Hindu & Jain influences in different parts of the building. That was the strength of the Vijayanagar kingdom... Everyone was equal, no caste, colour or creed. But sadly, even this Utopian society saw its downfall to the hands of plunderers... Hampi is a gentle reminder that even the best of things see their end, and the cycle of life continues...

A lazy 2-hour late-lunch (at Mango Tree) later I had had a stomach full, of Hampi. An evening bus from Bellary was to take me back directly to Hyderabad where I could relax and recount the last two days of time-traveling that I did...

What struck me in Hampi was the sheer scale of everything. And the whole place is stuck in a time-warp. It reminds me why I cant for the love of God feel anything in a museum.. They're just not there with all the jazzy lighting and elaborate write-ups. At Hampi, you're there, walking amongst the kings and queens, in a trance, surrounded by elephants and a thousand horses and bustling colourful markets. The magic of this place has to be seen, has to be felt, has to be lived.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Matrix

Its something so many people, at least in my friend circle, seem to be obsessed with these days. Its also something that always brought a smile to my face because I knew, and I believed, it wouldn't ever bother me. I was WRONG!!

2006. Bangalore. My roomie & I used to go for dinner. There was this small place at BTM Layout 2nd phase, where we'd get nice steaming hot chappatis and curry. To watch that butter floating on the chappati and melt before my very eyes before I tore and gobbled it up with a generous helping of the curry... ahh absolute bliss.

My friend on the other hand, would have dry chappatis, exactly 2 of them, and wait for me to finish.

One day I had 12. The average was around 8.

"HOW!!!??" he would ask aloud. "How can you have 12 butter rotis and not put on even a gram of weight, while I, after having just 2 rotis and gymming for 1 hour still put on a kilo in no time!!!!??!"

I felt blessed. People around me had to make so much of an effort to even maintain their weight. And all the sacrifices! No butter in chappatis! No ice-cream with gulab jamun! And here I was, blissfully eating away to glory, with not a worry as to what I eat, how much I eat or when I eat!

Those, were the days.

All was well, until December '09. That was a month I put on (a staggering) 5kgs. For some relative measure, that was 9% of my body weight! (Boy I love using News Channely words like 'staggering' :-P)

I knew my lack of sport after I started work was making me unfit, but I was okay as long as I was thin. But the 'launch of the paunch', as I call it, got me a bit concerned. That's when, in a conversation with a colleague, I hit upon the Fit-Fat matrix...

One usually starts out at the centre, or even on the FIT side. (Remember babies doing backflips, putting their feet in their mouth etc etc?).

But pretty soon, you start moving towards the fat or the thin side - this is mostly in your genes... The amount of sport and exercise when young determines whether you're on the top half of the graph (FIT) or the bottom (UNFIT). For me, I was more towards the pink spot there, thin and fit with lotsa sport. There are a few people who're on the heavier side, but still quite fit (towards the purple spot). Their genes mean they will be heavy but they still get some good exercise, so they stay fit. I have a few friends who're in that zone. Not entirely bad.

I moved towards the blue spot quite quickly after I joined work. The lack of sport and exercise (entirely my fault), dragged me along into this zone. But I still wasn't all too worried. Some exercise here and there, and I'd be back into the green zone, I thought. What didn't ever occur to me was I could get into the deep red zone!

Sadly, that's exactly what started happening last month. I've been warned of this by my pot-bellied uncles. "This is the age when I started putting on weight, especially this is when the Paunch was launched.." And surely enough, its hit.

But I'm fighting back! Almost entirely stopping my rice intake was the first thing I did. For any self-respecting Tam Bram, this is a tough thing to do. Rice is like water for us, a necessity! The stomach feels incomplete without rice in a meal... But then I HAVE to start getting back towards the blue spot at least, if not in the green zone!

The fight on the Fat-Fit matrix continues........