Facebook People

There comes a time in peoples lives when they ask themselves the question; "WHO AM I?!".

They're thinking and thinking... agonizing... and the answer just starts taking shape... They're close...

But then laziness takes over, and they end up wanting other people to tell them who they are. OR, they want others to start thinking about them as what they want themselves to be.

And, given that pretty much everyone is on facebook these days, it all begins with 'What do others (read 'friends on facebook') think of me?' OR 'Hmmm... Cunning plan... so if I do this, people will start thinking that I am like this... Cunning plan indeed.'

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The Addict

• Obsessive, compulsive facebooker. Feels the urge to update anything and everything.
• Could be an absolute newbie who’s just wowed by facebook, or an old-timer with no social life, or too much of a social life and wanting to advertise it; or, someone who has an opinion on everything related or unrelated to all under the sun, and even over it (usually a bong :P )
• Typical status update: “Saw a plane in the sky… awesome!!!”

The Reformist

• Believes in facebook as the medium to air his/her voices on subjects of critical importance to humanity.
• Actually covertly using facebooking as a medium to show the world what a super brain s/he is.
• Typical status update: “The recent tree-felling in Costa Rica has serious implications on atmospheric temperature half-way round the world. With global warming now becoming a burning issue, I feel it is time to………” Aaaaaahhhhhh zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….

The Gamer

• The sole reason for the Gamer’s existence is to devour all facebook games.
• They have separate game facebook id’s which become their regular id’s coz they never use their regular ‘regular’ id’s!
• They have 1000+ friends, NONE of whom they’ve ever met for real
• Typical status update: “Just bought a Bazooka and walloped Skeleton-Man’s a** … on Mafia Wars”

The Video Dude(tte)

• Spends half the day on Youtube, and the other half in sharing those videos on facebook! From bloopers, to old songs, to ‘OMG!!’ & ‘LOL!!’ videos, they’re all there in procession
• They have a strong inclination to ‘like’ and comment on their own video posts
• Typical status update: “Tooooooooooooo funny… Hahahaha!”

The Quote-er

• Perpetually buried in reams of quotes, or so it seems!
• Every other status message is a quote, from JFK, to Sallu in the latest flick. They could probably write a book of quotes, stolen of course!
• Typical status update: “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country …!”

The Emotion-er

• Always either majorly whining, or, completely over the moon happy, about something
• These extreme emotions find their way on to their facebook pages and end up being commented upon by
• Typical status update: “Feelin’ sad coz I’d asked my brother to get me a Snickers, but he got me Kit Kat instead :((( ”

The Birthday-Wisher

• At any given point in time, 7 out of their last 10 updates would be writing on walls of people wishing them a happy birthday
• For this, obviously you need to have at least a 1000 people on your friend list first. That makes it 3 birthdays a day on an average. Sometimes you’ll find them posting twice to the same person wishing them happy birthday!
• Typical status update: xx --> yy “Heyy! Happy birthday! Long time.. How are you? Where are you these days?!”

The Like-er

• Too lazy to comment; instead take the easy way out by ‘Like’-ing pretty much anything and everything that comes their way – photos, comments on photos, links, quotes, jokes, and random like pages like ‘I love my Mom’
• Could make thousands of dollars a month if they take up an ad-clicking job instead which pays on number of clicks per day!
• Typical status update: No status updates... but their profile will show that they have 746 likes

The PDA-er

• Love birds who can’t get enough of each other off facebook, so, on facebook they fill each-others walls with links to songs, photos, vacation ideas, lovey-dovey wall-posts and general PDAs
• May have entire conversations as comments within a span of 3 minutes
• Typical status update: “Thinkin’ about you… and smiling! : )))) ”

The Shape-shifter

• Characterized by a photo change every other day. From the corner of their left eye, to that cartoon pic they found so funny – anything could end up as the profile pic!
• It’s that itchy feeling they get that (facebook) things aren’t happening, not enough updates, everything looks the same, et cetera, et cetera.
• Typical status update: “xx changed their profile picture” … followed by a few comments on how great the new pic is.

The Tagger

• They have 960 photos of them on facebook. And they continue getting themselves clicked and tagged. Even on photos where they’re not there!
• They also go around tagging other people in photos that they may or may not be present
• Typical status update: “yy just tagged themselves in the album ‘Awesommmeee Friday nite partyy!’”

The “I’m too busy for facebook”-er

• Their reason for existence on facebook is rather questionable. They never have ANY activity on their accounts, no likes, no comments, they don’t even let other people write on their walls
• The only thing you see on their walls is that they’ve accepted 23 friend requests in a go, and 11 a few weeks before that, etc etc.!
• Typical status update: “xx is now friends with yy and 17 other people”

The Analyser

• They’re the ones who think they’re too cool / busy to be seen on facebook too regularly. In actuality, they spend hours and hours poring over what others are upto.
• Every once in a while they’ll have a comment here, and a like there, but the whole idea is to ‘look busy and yet somehow being able to find the time to make enough appearances on facebook’
• Typical status update: “xx added a new note: ‘Facebook people’”

(Disclaimer: Of course all of this was strictly for reading pleasure! Don’t automatically stereotype yourself; or worse, start wanting to kill me for telling you who you are or want to be. That's a question that only you can answer :))

PS - Thanks to Harshita, & Sharma for their valuable inputs on this post :-D